Out of Control Review (WITH UPDATES)

Out of Control Review


NOTE: This has been edited with explanations of some of my writings.

I received the book “Out of Control” by Dr. Shefali Tsabary to review more than a year ago when my daughter was a little more than two years old. Unfortunately, I didn’t have as much time as I wanted to read the book (things got a little crazy for a while and my blogging and spare time became difficult). I knew, however, that this was a book I must read: 1) because I had promised that I would and 2) because when I skimmed through it, I knew that it was a book that would help me with my daughter in the future.

The second reason is more true than I had realized. When my daughter hit her tantrum and unreasonable stage at the age of three and a half, I turned to Dr. Tsabary’s book, “Out of Control.”

Within the past few months, I have started using the lessons in this book. I decided to purchase the ebook (I got this book in pdf format) so that I would be able to highlight portions on my Kindle that I would like to return to. Here are the things that I have learned from Dr. Tsabary’s book so far:

1. Discipline doesn’t work.

Rather than yelling and screaming, try to understand why my daughter is upset by talking with her. In my head, this work. In practice, it has been very difficult for me. Unfortunately, me trying to talk to my daughter leads to her screaming at me,” I don’t want to do it beause I’m scared!” When I ask her what she’s scared of she says,” I’m scared of shadows (or toilet paper or ponies or rainbows or breathing or insert other ridiculous answer here).” She really has yelled at me that she peed on the floor because she is scared of rainbows when I tried to talk calmly to her. Sigh. This leads me to number 2.
NOTE: My husband said this step works for him very well. For me, it works sometimes, but if it doesn’t, I head to step 2.

2. Walk away.

When number one isn’t working with her, I walk away. It pains me to do so, but I do it so I can compose myself and calm myself down. This works. My daughter gets very upset and runs to me. (NOTE: I’m not trying to make her upset, and she isn’t always upset, I’m trying to calm myself down so she does not experience my anxiety which is not good for my daughter.) She says she’s not scared anymore.  I can’t do this when we are out of the house so this means I have to do number 3.

3. Remove her from the situation.

If she is being very naughty in the place that she is at and isn’t ready to be in the location, I get up and walk her out. Sometimes just the idea that she’s going to have to leave means that she will stop acting out. Other times, we end up walking out.

4. I’m eliminating my script.

I’ll admit to making a movie script in my head. And I’ll admit that I probably shouldn’t. Heck. I wrote one in college once. While I was excited about it, no one else was. I think that my daughter isn’t excited about my script either. I’m working at helping her create her own role… It’s been quite a challenge, but she’s blossoming into a headstrong and creative young girl.

This is a brief summary of the lessons in this book, my interpretations of the lessons, and the actions I have taken. I haven’t summarized everything, as I believe that you should read the book, but I wanted to write about a few of the lessons that have been valuable and helpful in connecting and working with my daughter through her difficult stages.

If you are searching for a way to help you with understanding and working with your children, I would definitely recommend reading this book and highlighting and bookmarking parts that resonate with you.

SCH is Smaller!

I’m happy to share that the SCH is smaller! Although my doctor said that we are not out of the woods yet, she is not as worried about our baby. There is nothing better than hearing that an SCH is “collapsing” and slowly going away.


We had our ultrasound yesterday and our little tadpole was waving its arms and legs around doing a little dance. I was so excited to see that it was doing well, I cried. I can’t express the gratefulness and blessed feeling I got when I saw it. I know I still have to be careful and that I can’t be running around.

While my movements are still limited (but I am not confined to the bed), I’ve been crafting with my mom and daughter. I find that it is really helpful to craft and make bows with them to break up the day to day.

Yesterday, we made the cutest little Pom Pom Spiders. I’ll do a post on how to make them because they were just the cutest things ever. I think I’m going to ask my husband to hang them in our tree outside.

Hapa Baby made the cutest spider.

Hapa Baby made the cutest spider.

Hope you are all doing well!

Back from Blogging Break — Big News!

Well, I’m back. I missed blogging and writing — I find it therapeutic and fun. In the five months I’ve been gone, we purchased our house and settled in. Now, I’m getting used to being a homeowner. Who knew owning a house, albeit a small one, could be so much work?

My husband and I have started cutting back on purchases because we can’t fit anything into it! Our mantra is now: “Organize, organize, organize. “Or,”Donate!”

Well, it was until… I found out I was pregnant. DH and I are extremely excited to be adding to our family, and were ecstatic by the news.

Unfortunately, 6 weeks in I started having spotting… and it just continued.

After getting an ultrasound at 7 weeks, we found out I have a small Subchorionic Hemorrhage or “SCH” as its known in various mommy communities.

After speaking with our doctor, and listening to my body, we decided that modified bed rest is best. So, I’ve been moving back and forth from the couch to the bed. Since my daughter always wants to be carried (and I can’t carry her), my mom has been taking off work to stay at home and help me.  I know that I am so blessed that she is here to help me and I am forever grateful, but sometimes I miss my daughter and it just being her and me.

I’ll be writing about my bed rest and how this new pregnancy has changed our lives, but I’ll also have more time to search out fun and exciting activities for Hapa Baby to do and there will definitely be more Mommy – Daughter Fashion Posts coming (so many cute things now!)!

Keep an eye out for these posts, I’m finally back!

A little blogging break — here’s why

Hi everyone,

I know right now wasn’t the best time to take a blogging break — especially since I was featured in the article from Today Moms about harnesses!

However, life sometimes takes an unexpected turn and we all have to work around it. In the past few weeks, I have:

  • Visited Hawaii to help my grandmother: Grandma had breast cancer so we needed to go and help her through the surgery. They found her cancer early because she gets her mammograms yearly. Please make sure you are getting your mammograms! According to WomensHealth.gov you must get a mammogram every 2 years if you are over 50: http://womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/mammograms.html#e
  • Purchased a house — yes! We got a small house and now are in the midst of moving. I’m learning how to de-clutter and have found it to be a perfectly cleansing experience. If you are sort of a hoarder (like me), I highly recommend Shed Your Stuff Change your Life. It’s helping me to realize why I collect things and, in a matter of days, I have been able to cleanse myself of some stuff I have been unnecessarily holding on to.
  • I have become addicted to vintage pyrex. I know this goes in the direct face of SHEDing, but I’ve started collecting vintage pyrex. I would like our house to become a plastic free zone. So I’m working at collecting these beautiful bowls and items from Goodwill.

I hope you all are well and please let me know what you have been up to!


Call for Submissions — Multilingual Carnival on Piri Piri Lexicon

Hi, everyone!

I’m very excited to be hosting this month’s Multilingual Carnival on The Piri Piri Lexicon. This month our theme is learning language through immersion programs. Immersion programs may include dance programs, summer programs, after school programs, educational abroad programs, and many others! I would like to take a look this month into how these programs can help both culture and language. Have you or your children participated?

Please send me a link to your blog post at kat @ hapamom.com by March 25 — the post will be posted on March 31st on Hapamom.com
I’m looking forward to reading all your posts!
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