Out of Control Review (WITH UPDATES)

Out of Control Review


NOTE: This has been edited with explanations of some of my writings.

I received the book “Out of Control” by Dr. Shefali Tsabary to review more than a year ago when my daughter was a little more than two years old. Unfortunately, I didn’t have as much time as I wanted to read the book (things got a little crazy for a while and my blogging and spare time became difficult). I knew, however, that this was a book I must read: 1) because I had promised that I would and 2) because when I skimmed through it, I knew that it was a book that would help me with my daughter in the future.

The second reason is more true than I had realized. When my daughter hit her tantrum and unreasonable stage at the age of three and a half, I turned to Dr. Tsabary’s book, “Out of Control.”

Within the past few months, I have started using the lessons in this book. I decided to purchase the ebook (I got this book in pdf format) so that I would be able to highlight portions on my Kindle that I would like to return to. Here are the things that I have learned from Dr. Tsabary’s book so far:

1. Discipline doesn’t work.

Rather than yelling and screaming, try to understand why my daughter is upset by talking with her. In my head, this work. In practice, it has been very difficult for me. Unfortunately, me trying to talk to my daughter leads to her screaming at me,” I don’t want to do it beause I’m scared!” When I ask her what she’s scared of she says,” I’m scared of shadows (or toilet paper or ponies or rainbows or breathing or insert other ridiculous answer here).” She really has yelled at me that she peed on the floor because she is scared of rainbows when I tried to talk calmly to her. Sigh. This leads me to number 2.
NOTE: My husband said this step works for him very well. For me, it works sometimes, but if it doesn’t, I head to step 2.

2. Walk away.

When number one isn’t working with her, I walk away. It pains me to do so, but I do it so I can compose myself and calm myself down. This works. My daughter gets very upset and runs to me. (NOTE: I’m not trying to make her upset, and she isn’t always upset, I’m trying to calm myself down so she does not experience my anxiety which is not good for my daughter.) She says she’s not scared anymore.  I can’t do this when we are out of the house so this means I have to do number 3.

3. Remove her from the situation.

If she is being very naughty in the place that she is at and isn’t ready to be in the location, I get up and walk her out. Sometimes just the idea that she’s going to have to leave means that she will stop acting out. Other times, we end up walking out.

4. I’m eliminating my script.

I’ll admit to making a movie script in my head. And I’ll admit that I probably shouldn’t. Heck. I wrote one in college once. While I was excited about it, no one else was. I think that my daughter isn’t excited about my script either. I’m working at helping her create her own role… It’s been quite a challenge, but she’s blossoming into a headstrong and creative young girl.

This is a brief summary of the lessons in this book, my interpretations of the lessons, and the actions I have taken. I haven’t summarized everything, as I believe that you should read the book, but I wanted to write about a few of the lessons that have been valuable and helpful in connecting and working with my daughter through her difficult stages.

If you are searching for a way to help you with understanding and working with your children, I would definitely recommend reading this book and highlighting and bookmarking parts that resonate with you.

Winter Maternity Outfit for My Capsule Wardrobe

As I mentioned in my post yesterday,  I tried to make my list, but the maternity wear I originally purchased didn’t fit. I’m hoping my Amelie Micro Collection purchase from PopBasic will work.

Winter Maternity Outfit featuring PopBasic and Fluevogs!

Winter Maternity Outfit featuring PopBasic and Fluevogs! by hapamom featuring Wolford

I’m in love with the dress from the collection and I have the rest of these items in my closet except for the shoes (I’ll be using the Fluevog Red Operetta boots as a replacement).  I’m very excited and think I can definitely use this dress in a multitude of combinations for my pregnant belly!

I’ll be posting a picture and a review of this micro-collection when I receive it.

If you’re interested in the dress, here’s $15 Coupon to Pop Basic if you’re looking to purchase this collection or one in the future. If you use it, both of us will receive $15 towards our purchase. :)

Capsule Wardrobes During Pregnancy: Do it or not do it?

As I mentioned previously, I have actively been trying to donate a lot of my clothes and reduce my need to consume everything. It’s working. Sort of. I have started buying less items and focusing more on what I already have. When I need an item (like workout clothes, sweaters, or things I’m outgrowing due to pregnancy), I try to donate an item — it has completely helped my closet!

While trying to reduce the rest of my closet, I started researching minimalist fashion. I am not, by far, a minimalist. In fact, I grew up in a household of hoarders who believe that you shouldn’t give anything away just in case you need it. But it was time. Honestly, I couldn’t enter my closet!

I’m happy to report it looks a lot better:

Clean closet

After all the piles of clothing for donation, I finally have a clean closet. Please don’t pay attention to the princess potty in the corner ;)

Here are the clothes I will be donating. Clothes that I like but don’t *love* and hope that someone else will love them :)

Clothing Donation Pile

This was taking up my closet space!

After creating a donation pile of more than half of everything I owned, I was a little confused. What do I do now?

I began researching fashion minimalism. I found a post on capsule wardrobes and was very drawn to Mom Advice’s take on the Capsule Wardrobe. You can read her capsule wardrobe rules here. The catch (for me) is that I’m 19 weeks pregnant. I’m going to do it a little differently as I’m not sure what I’ll fit in a few months and I want to be realistic with myself.

Pregnant Fashion Capsule

My rules for my Fashion Capsule

I decided to replace some of the pieces I donated and purchase a few key pieces of maternity clothes that could grow with me.

1. 37 Items ( shoes, scarves, underwear, tights, workout gear not included). For the first rule, it’s pretty much the same as Mom Advice’s, but I added shoes and scarves because… I love interchanging my shoes and scarves. There is no way I could do without them! Also, I’m not sure how my feet will be in a few months so I didn’t want to choose heels when I could only wear flats and wear out the soles of my boots.

2. No Shoe Buying For the second rule, this will be the hardest for me. I love my Fluevogs and, honestly, was hoping to purchase some for my birthday. I hope I can stick to this!

3. Purchase One Item as Needed Realistically, I have no idea where I’ll be in 3 months. I could become as big as a house and not fit anything in the capsule I’ve created. In this case, I’ll have to purchase an item.

I haven’t created the collection yet, but i’ll let you know how it goes!

Holiday Maternity Mother Daughter Outfit Thanksgiving

I love light colors on children — especially baby girls. This Marie-Chantal dress is pricey and you may be able to find an alternative, but I wanted to give you an idea of a sweet and elegant Thanksgiving Holiday Mother – Daughter outfit. I’ll be watching this dress and hoping it goes on sale for next year but, then, it won’t work with the maternity dress. Good thing the dress isn’t super maternity-ish and with the right accessories you can wear it while pregnant and the year after!

Holiday Mother Daughter Maternity Style


Fall Outfit from Peek Kids

I’m so excited for Fall. Hapa Baby has the cutest fall outfits from Peek Kids.

She is wearing the Little Peanut Essentials Kara Dress (different color), Organic Cotton Tights (different color), Camper Shoes (different color), and a homemade Orange Bow.

Hapa Baby is wearing her fall outfit as she dances with Grandma. The homemade bow really ties the outfit together.

Hapa Baby is wearing her fall outfit as she dances with Grandma. The homemade bow really ties the outfit together.

Shopping on a budget pro-tip: We always purchase clothes on a clearance sale and save it until the right season. This can be difficult if your children have growth spurts. Sometimes, this happens to us and we end up having to save it “for the next baby.” If the next baby ends up being a boy, we are going to put most of extra outfits on ebay.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...